Young Sheldon

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Young Sheldon (2017–2024) is an American television sitcom that aired on CBS. It stars Iain Armitage as Sheldon Cooper, who lived in Medford, Texas with The Coopers. It is a prequel to The Big Bang Theory.

Opening theme[edit]

  • Nobody else is stronger than I am
    Yesterday I moved a mountain
    I bet I could be your hero
    I am a Mighty Little Man

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.01][edit]

[First lines of the series]
Adult Sheldon: "I've always loved trains. In fact, if my career in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan was to become a professional ticket taker. Or hobo. And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law... An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force... I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy."
Mary Cooper: Shelly, dinner's ready!
Adult Sheldon: "I don't care how dimwitted you are. Scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig."
Missy Cooper: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, I'm gonna lick your toothbrush.
Sheldon Cooper: Coming!
Adult Sheldon: "That's my sister. And she's done it before."
George Cooper Sr.: Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?
Mary Cooper: George, language.
George Cooper Sr.: What language? So?
Sheldon Cooper: I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
Georgie Cooper: Admit it, he's adopted.
Sheldon Cooper: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Mary Cooper: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy Cooper: I wish I was.
Mary Cooper: That can still be arranged.
Missy Cooper: [in church, listening to a sermon about 'evil thoughts'] I'm having an evil thought right now.
Sheldon Cooper: What?
Missy Cooper: "I'm going to kick you in the balls when we get home."

Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System [1.02][edit]

George Cooper Sr.: (Sheldon's new friend is having dinner with the Coopers) So, uh, Tam... what kind of name is that?
Tam: Vietnamese, sir.
George Cooper Sr.: Sure. I spent a little time over there. Army. Your Mom's name isn't Kim Lee, is it?
Tam: No, sir.
George Cooper Sr.: [seeming relieved] Good, good. I mean, yeah. It's a small country. So... Mary, how's that food comin'?
Mary: [from the kitchen] Almost.
Georgie Cooper: So, Viet Nam. Like in Rambo.
Tam: Yes.
Georgie Cooper: That's a cool movie.
Tam: Yes.
Georgie Cooper: Are you in it?
Tam: No.
Mary Cooper: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner: bar-b-que chicken and brisket.
Tam: Thank you.
Mary Cooper: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wigglin' around on your plate. OK, let's say Grace. Now, Tam, when I say 'Jesus', feel free to say the word 'Buddha' in your head.
Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
Mary Cooper: Oh. Well, that's too bad.

Poker, Faith, and Eggs [1.03][edit]

Sheldon: You lied to your moon pie.
Meemaw: I was bluffing my moon pie.
Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.
Sheldon: What's she say?
Meemaw: The doctors are doing some tests, but dollar to donuts, your daddy's just got a bad case od gas. Y'all two go get ready for bed.
George Jr: I don't want to stay around her. I want to go to the hospital and see dad.
Meemaw: Well, i want to go to Las Vegas and see Willie Nelson, but that ain't gonna happen either.
George Jr: This is stupid.
Meemaw: You know what stupid? I got to drink pink wine
Sheldon: Meemaw
Meemaw: What?
Sheldon: Is dad really okay?
Meemaw: Yes
Sheldon: I hope you're not bluffing.
George Jr: I'm driving to the hospital. You can come with me or stay here, up to you.
Missy: I'm coming.
George Jr: Sheldon?
Sheldon: You're 14. You don't know how to drive.
George Jr: I drove a tractor at 4-H camp. It's the same thing.
Sheldon: But you sat on the farmer's lap.
George Jr: Then stay here. Come on, Missy.
Sheldon: (He suddenly hear Meemaw snore, and turning. Afraid he's gonna be blame for the runaway, Sheldon decides to join George and Missy).
Mary: What took you so long to answer?
Meemaw: Powdering my nose. What's it to ya?
Mary: Sorry I asked. Just want to give you an update.
Meemaw: Y...what's going on?
Mary: They wanna to run some test. They're gonna hold him overnight.
Meemaw: Oh, well. That's, that's nothing to worry about. That's just precautionary.
Mary: How are the kids?
Meemaw: Oh... they were a little worried. But I handled it.
Mary: They're sleeping?
Meemaw: Um, yeah yeah. You bet.
Mary: Thank's again for helping.
Meemaw: Oh hey, these are my grandchildren. They are my blood.
Mary: Okay, I'd better go.
Meemaw: Okay, we'll talk later.
Meemaw: (Hang the phone before she realize about the letter in the table. As she open it, it's shown that Sheldon is telling him about their runaway).
Meemaw: Son of a bitch. I hate those kids.
George Jr: Dang it.
Missy: Are you aiming for them?
George Jr: Everybody just shut up. I got this.
[The three of them then realize about a siren wailing behind their car.]
Sheldon: Oh, no. We're going to jail.
Missy: Georgie's going to jail. I'm saying I was kidnapped
Sheldon: That's a good plan. You and I were kidnapped.
George Jr: If I'm going to jail, we're all going to jail.
Sheldon: Oh, you'd better pull over.
[As George pull over, it revealed that the siren was coming from a ambulance.]
George Jr: Oh, thank god.
Sheldon: Well, don't just sit there. Follow it.
George Jr: Why?
Sheldon: It's an ambulance. It's going to the hospital.
George: Hang on.
Missy: How about i put the radio on real low.
George Jr: Shut up.
[The end credits scroll up. The logo reads: Chuck Lorre Productions, #570]
Emoji: Believe me.
[final lines]

A Therapist, a Comic Book and a Breakfast Sausage [1.04][edit]

Adult Sheldon: Fun fact: The first time I almost died was at the age of nine. The murder weapon: A Jimmy Dean sausage.
[In the flashback, Sheldon chokes and clutches his throat, his blue eyes wide with distress]
Missy: Mom, Sheldon's making faces at me.
[Mary sees Sheldon clutching his throat and struggling to breathe]
Mary: Sheldon?! Honey!
Adult Sheldon: In fairness to Mr. Dean, this one morning I decided to forego my normal twenty chews per bite, as prescribed by the American Medical Association.
Mary: George, help!
George: [bending Sheldon over his knee] Come here, boy. We got it. We just got to smack it out. [He smacks Sheldon on the back]
Adult Sheldon: To further complicate matters, in any real life crisis, my family's default mode is mindless panic.
Missy: [from the comfort of the breakfast table] Sheldon's gonna die! Sheldon's gonna die!
Adult Sheldon: Or heartless apathy.
[Georgie bites into a slice of toast and watches. George picks Sheldon up by his legs and shakes him]
George: Here we go. This is how you do it. Here we go. And shake.
Adult Sheldon: It's interesting, the things you think about when life is ebbing from your body. For instance, linoleum. What is it, really? Plastic? And if so, how is it from Formica?
Mary: I'm calling 911.
[While being shaken, Sheldon's gaze turns to the cereal box on the table]
Adult Sheldon: And what about Count Chocula? How is he a count? Did the title come with land?
Mary: George, Heimlich! [George puts the boy on his feet and does a heimlich maneuver] Don't hurt his little ribs!
Adult Sheldon: They say in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife, and putting it back in the jar.
[Sheldon's windpipe is freed from obstruction]
Mary: Okay, it's better now. Sheldon! Honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!
Sheldon: You have to... throw away... that jelly!

A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom [1.05][edit]

Mary: Booyah!
Sheldon: The math says they should never punt again.
Meemaw: Who's his really daddy?
Sheldon: The cheerleader hugged me to her bosom.
Tam Nguyen: That's amazing!
Sheldon: No more high fives. I can't keep washing my hands.
Sheldon: [screaming, while the boys at the party are holding him up in the air, mosh style] PUT ME DOWN! I SAID, "PUT ME DOWN"! PUT ME DOWN, I'M NOT ENJOYING IT!

A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac [1.06][edit]

Tam: You know, sometimes you sound like a super villain.
Sheldon: [excitedly high-pitched] Silence!
Tam: That'll be more effective after your voice changes.
Sheldon: [Tam steps away. Sheldon sighs]
[deep voice]
Sheldon: Silence!
Missy: I can't die. I've only kissed one boy.
Mary: What?
Missy: Don't worry, it was years ago.
Missy: I'm bored.
Meemaw: Hey! Someday, someone will write a book about Sheldon. Don't you want a chapter in there about how loving and supportive you were?
Georgie: What's the point? I ain't never gonna read it.
Sheldon: Dad, can we afford a computer?
George Sr.: You do my taxes. What do you think?
Sheldon: [pause] Nevermind.

A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run [1.07][edit]

George Sr.: Here we go. Fifteen years and fourteen hours later, the best brisket in Texas.
[tastes some]
George Sr.: Connie, you evil bitch!
Sheldon: Back home, he applied the spice rub with such erotic tenderness it made my mother a little jealous.

Cape Canaveral, Schrödinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair [1.08][edit]

Adult Sheldon: "That was the best trip I'd ever been on. I just wish I'd told my father that while he was alive."

Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia [1.09][edit]

Georgie: Wait. I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini. Ooh, it just fell off.
Sheldon: I see Quadrant 1 is red, Quadrant 2 is soft and plush, [sniffs] Quadrant 3 smells like lavender, and Quadrant 4 is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral.
Mary: That's a dumb idea. We don't want Georgie to be like Georgie.

An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo [1.10][edit]

Principal Petersen: First of all, I want to thank you both for coming.
Mary: Yeah, yeah, what'd he do?
Principal Petersen: Uh, he didn't do anything.
George Sr.: Gosh, Tom, I want to believe you.
Principal Petersen: Okay, the problem is the curriculum here is not challenging enough for Sheldon. Now, he gets bored and maybe doesn't express himself in the most productive way.
Sheldon: [seeing how well-behaved and studious the Wilmont students are] What's wrong with them?
Mary: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: They're so quiet. Are they on medication?
Mary: No. They're just smart like you.
Sheldon: I've been going to school in a zoo.
George Sr.: [quietly to Mary] Not too sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.
Dr. Flora Douglas: I must tell you, in all I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.
George Sr.: Well, that's real nice to hear.
Dr. Flora Douglas: Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class. He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student."
Sheldon: That doesn't sound like me at all.
Mary: Sure it does, sweetie.

Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers [1.11][edit]

Sheldon: You're catholic, right? Explain it to me.

A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer [1.12][edit]

Sheldon: We really need to get one of these.

A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek [1.13][edit]

Mary: No. What on earth?
Sheldon: Hello.
Mary: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I made a real germ-proof hedge of protection.
Mary: Oh, honey, you can't stay in there.
Sheldon: I've got a refrigerator, I've got my sleeping bag, and anything else I need I can make out of Legos.
Mary: What's with the Halloween costume?
Sheldon: In case of a breach.
Mary: Stay right there.
Sheldon: That's my plan.

Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey [1.14][edit]

Mary: Here is the cherry on top!

Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman [1.15][edit]

Sheldon: She knows who I am. It's going well.

Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine [1.16][edit]

Sheldon: I decided to become an actor!
Missy: Methalone act normal.

Jiu-Jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo [1.17][edit]

Luis: Cooper. Your stop.
Sheldon: Would you mind dropping me off closer to my house?
Luis: Sorry, kiddo.

A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside [1.18][edit]

Mary: You need to come home with me.
Sheldon: No. I'm working.
Mary: There is a tornado watch. Let's go!
Meemaw: Oh, come on, Mary. We've had a watch every day for 2 months, nothing ever happens.
Sheldon: I think you're just worried I'm earning the money to send in my college application.
Mary: I am worried it is not safe out here. Let's go!
Sheldon: I can worry about my own safety, thank you.
Mary: I don't care if you think you're an adult. I'm your mother, and you will do as I say.
[A tornado warning siren sound effect is heard]
Meemaw: Well, that ain't good.
Mary: You believe me now? Mom?
Adult Sheldon: The good news was most of our neighborhood was spared. The bad news: my mother thought she had something to do with it.
Meemaw: Be careful.

Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple [1.19][edit]

Sheldon: There is someone. And it's me.
Sheldon: If they get married, we have doubled the number of smart people in our family.

A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish [1.20][edit]

Sheldon: MOM!!!
Mary: Your dog left a dead squirrel in our living room!

Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza [1.21][edit]

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, welcome.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I do believe there was subtext there. Did you pick up on it?
Meemaw: Yeah.

Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentleman Callers, and a Dinette Set [1.22][edit]

Sheldon: Oh, Meemaw, no.
Mary: Hey, who are you calling?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: I saw Meemaw get in the car with Mr. Rosenbloom.
Mary: (distorted voice) No...
Adult Sheldon: I don't know if it really happened this way, but to my 9-year-old mind, my mother was flying.

Season 2[edit]

A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels [2.01][edit]

Adult Sheldon: I also had extraordinary hearing. During dinner, I could tune out the cacophony of chewing, slurping, chewing, cutlery scraping against plates, chewing, and my father's heavy breathing as he wrestled with a ketchup bottle. But tonight, there was one sound I couldn't tune out.

A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron [2.02][edit]

Meemaw: The magic continues.
Sheldon: She's a person. And we all know how I feel about people.

A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens [2.03][edit]

Meemaw: He's grabbing at straws now.
Sheldon: So, if god's plan is to save all of the universe, that means a race of octopus aliens light-years away could only be saved by Jesus?

A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce [2.04][edit]

George Cooper Sr: What do you say we keep this quiet?
Sheldon: Like a secret.
George Cooper Sr: All you gotta do is be cool!

A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries [2.05][edit]

Sheldon: Did you kill it?
Missy: You tell me.

Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan [2.06][edit]

Kids: Trick-or-treat!
Sheldon: I'm Carl Sagan.

Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon [2.07][edit]

Paige: Sheldon.
Paige: You happy to see me?
Sheldon: Not immediately.
Paige: Let's get out of here.
Sheldon: Where are you going? It's closed.
Police Officer: What are you kids doing in there?!

An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius [2.08][edit]

Sheldon: So now what? We just return to our ordinary lives?
Meemaw: I guess so. Or... we could just go to the store and buy another game.
Adult Sheldon: Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Nazis, Nazi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my Meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero [2.09][edit]

George Cooper Sr: I may have a better job.
Mary: In Oklahoma?
Sheldon: Family conflict has been observed.
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Are you going to talk the whole time?!
Missy: It seems to be annoying you, so? Yeah.

A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts [2.10][edit]

Missy: He's an old man.
Sheldon: I'm not an old man.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Sheldon: Don't even get me started.
Sheldon: Eat outdoors. Do I look hippie to you?
Sheldon: Bazinga!

A Race of Superhumans and a Letter to Alf [2.11][edit]

Mary Cooper: Care to explain yourself?
Sheldon Cooper: I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
Mary Cooper: By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
Mary Cooper: Enough.
Sheldon Cooper: To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be an effect--
Mary Cooper: ENOUGH! And you! Getting baptized just to kiss a girl?! What were you thinking?!
Georgie Cooper: Sounds like you know what I was thinking.
Mary Cooper: Well, you are both grounded!
Missy Cooper: "Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age 10."
ALF: "P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?" Ha. What a cutie pie. Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts with my face on them? I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid. Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh? Hello? Anybody out there? Apparently not. Barb!
[final lines]

A Tummy Ache and a Whale of a Metaphor [2.12][edit]

George Cooper Sr: We need a doctor here!
Sheldon: Where did you go to medical school?
Doctor: University of Nebraska.
Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Sheldon: You know the soft kitty song?
Nurse: No.
Sheldon: I'll teach it to you. Get a note pad.

A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey [2.13][edit]

Sheldon: Do you have any idea where I could obtain radioactive material?

David, Goliath and a Yoo-Hoo From the Back [2.14][edit]

Georgie: Are you crazy?!
Sheldon: Nope. Mom had me tested.
Sheldon: You're fighting me, unless, you wanna shake hands and laugh about this over a glass of milk.

A Math Emergency and Perky Palms [2.15][edit]

Sheldon: I'm here every day, and it's like you don't know me at all.
Sheldon: You're wrong and I can prove it.

A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag [2.16][edit]

[first lines]
Adult Sheldon: I like to tell you a story about a time I was right. Yeah, now I'm sure you're thinking. But, Sheldon, you're never wrong. And you'd be right. But it's worth taking a closer look at this particular incident because it began with a loaf of bread and ended with me and my family almost being kicked out of the United States of America.
George Cooper Sr: You loved this country!
Sheldon: I loved this country!

Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary [2.17][edit]

Mary: I'm pregnant.
George Cooper Sr: You gotta be kidding me.
Sheldon: I need to become a Jewish person.
Sheldon: Are these hot dogs kosher?

A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow [2.18][edit]

George Cooper Sr: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I got called to the principal's office.
George Cooper Sr: So did I! What, you do something wrong?
Sheldon: Not that I'm aware of. Did you?
George Cooper Sr: I hope not.
Sheldon: Maybe it's good news.
George Cooper Sr: Sheldon, you ever been called the principal's office for good news.
Sheldon: Never.
George Cooper Sr: Oh.
George Cooper Sr: My man.
Sheldon: When was the last time you washed your hands?

A Political Campaign and a Candy Land Cheater [2.19][edit]

Sheldon: I'm running for class president.
Sheldon: You think I'll win, right?
Missy: God's listening, Mom.

A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross [2.20][edit]

Mary Cooper: You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
George Cooper Sr: The one that Georgie likes?
Mary Cooper: Yeah. I was thinkin' about havin' her stay here for a couple days.
George Cooper Sr: Wh-, is it Georgie's birthday or somethin'?
Mary Cooper: No! She's just havin' a rough time at home.
George Cooper Sr: [takes a sip of his beer] What's goin' wrong?
Mary Cooper: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinkin' problem, and things have been gettin' out of hand.
George Cooper Sr: You waited 'til I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
Mary Cooper: You always have a beer.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's this? "Connie Tucker is proud to announce that she is sweet on Dr. John Sturgis and they are officially a romantic couple." Oh boy. I'm back in business!
[final lines]

A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster [2.21][edit]

Missy: Cheers.
Sheldon: Cheers.

A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast [2.22][edit]

George Cooper Sr: Why can't you read who won in the newspaper?
Sheldon Cooper: I could say the same thing about the Super Bowl, but you still watch it.
Missy Cooper: He got you there.
Adult Sheldon: Thankfully, I was wrong.
[final lines]

Season 3[edit]

Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes [3.01][edit]

[Sheldon and Mary both think the other might have some mental health issues]
Sheldon Cooper: You think *I* have mental problems?
Mary Cooper: Well, not "problems". I'm just worried about your future. And when I see you moving sub-atomic particles around in the air, that makes me...
Sheldon Cooper: Sub-atomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you!

A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board [3.02][edit]

Dr. Linkletter: [Last line, after Sheldon left his class] No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom [3.03][edit]

Missy Cooper: Is Sheldon going to jail?
Mary Cooper: No!
Missy Cooper: Damn it.

Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip [3.04][edit]

Sheldon Cooper: Good news. I found a way to take a break from science.
Mary Cooper: That's great. What is it?
Sheldon Cooper: A fantasy book series called "The Lord of the Rings".
Mary Cooper: It's got "the Lord" in it. That's something.

A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship [3.05][edit]

Mary: Okay. Dr. Sturgis will be joining us for dinner.
Sheldon: Hot darn.
Missy: That guy's back.
Georgie: I thought he was in the nuthouse.
Mary: We do not call it that!
Georgie: That's what dad calls it.
Mary: And that's why I made him sit. We need to make sure that Dr. Sturgis feels comfortable.
George: How are we supposed to do that?
Mary: For starters, do not bring up his time in the hospital.

A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm [3.06][edit]

Sheldon Cooper: [encouraging Missy] Do good baseball.
Georgie Cooper: [Repeated line, unenthusiastically] Uh-huh.

Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting [3.07][edit]

Dale: You wanna switch to light beer?
George Cooper Sr: Hey, I may have boobs, but I'm still a man.

The Sin of Greed and a Chimichanga from Chi-Chi's [3.08][edit]

Sheldon: They don't seem happy about it.

A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken [3.09][edit]

Adult Sheldon: Some mail brought pain.
Adult Sheldon: And one time, Missy, you got something.

Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib [3.10][edit]

Adult Sheldon: However, in an unrelated incident, he crashed his bike into some garbage cans. Luckily, he landed on his recently acquired athletic cup.That was a wise purchase.

A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken, and Holy Matrimony [3.11][edit]

Jeff: Sometimes love is about the little things.
Picard: Captain's log, stardate 44307.

Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit [3.12][edit]

Adult Sheldon: My history with Paige brought up complicated feelings.
Adult Sheldon: Things were simpler for my simple-minded sister.

Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains [3.13][edit]

Missy: Strike!
Georgie: Yeah!
Sheldon: All right, Missy.

A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel [3.14][edit]

Adult Sheldon: The Clean Air Act required all new cars to be equipped with catalytic converters to combat air pollution. The first state to do this was California, which led Texans to say things like - I hate California. And When will that place fall in the ocean? While not everyone was happy about it, six years later, one particular Texan saw an opportunity to get rich quick.

A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub [3.15][edit]

Mary: So, you didn't do anything you regret when you were married?
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, lots of stuff. Feel free to grab a shovel and go have some drinks with my dead husband.

Pasadena [3.16][edit]

Adult Sheldon: In the early days of the Internet, you couldn't stream movies or summon Thai food to your doorstep. But... if you were interested in text-based news about upcoming physics lectures, it was a great time to be alive.

An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell [3.17][edit]

Sheldon: All right, but if he calls me a baby, feel free to say, "Then I guess you needed a baby to fix your paper."
Mary: I had to improvise.

A Couple Bruised Ribs and a Cereal Box Ghost Detector [3.18][edit]

George Cooper Sr.: Watching life go by from the sidelines is kind of my thing.
Mary: Call an ambulance!

A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff [3.19][edit]

Sheldon: That explains why 911 hung up on me. I had no choice but to determine if any of these prospective home buyers would be suitable neighbors.
George Cooper Sr.: Thank you.

A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge [3.20][edit]

Adult Sheldon: You can see here, Sheldon has a baby tooth that never fell out.
Mary: I got my crochet!

A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat [3.21][edit]

Adult Sheldon: I was not alone in asserting my independence that day. This tiny slice of hot dog also seemed to yearn for freedom. But sometimes, freedom comes at a cost. In this case, a lowly disc of processed meat, would nearly tear my family apart.
Sheldon Cooper: How could you not tell me that Caltech wants me to go to school there?
Mary Cooper: Because you're not going, so it doesn't matter.
Sheldon Cooper: I've put together a presentation detailing the reasons why I should be allowed to go to college, and I'd like you to watch it with an open mind.

Season 4[edit]

Graduation [4.01][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): The next day, the local news showed up to me and my family. Which may sound impressive, but this is the same local news that covered a potato chip shaped like Texas.
Adult Sheldon (VO): In fact, it was the best graduation party I had ever been to, until the one we had for my son, Leonard Cooper.
All: Amen.
Missy: Cake!
Adult Sheldon (VO): I wanted his name to be Leonard "Nimoy" Cooper, but Amy wouldn't let me.
Amy (VO): Be happy I let you name him Leonard!
Adult Sheldon (VO): Okay, okay!
Amy (VO): Love you.
Adult Sheldon (VO): Love you, too.

A Docent, A Little Lady and a Bouncer Named Dalton [4.02][edit]

Sheldon: Yes, leave the crusts on.
Mary: We need to stop so I can pee.

Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken [4.03][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): With no access to controlled substances, I was left with only one option.
Sheldon: Hey, speaking of accidents, which this clearly was Insurance covers everything, right? If you're worried about me sending you a bill, don't be.

Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love [4.04][edit]

Mary: Oh, sorry. It was cancelled.
Sheldon: I don't know, looks pretty good to me.

A Musty Crypt and a Stick to Pee On [4.05][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): As long as I can remember, unlocking the mechanisms that govern the physical universe was my greatest passion.
Wayne: Thank you.

Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper [4.06][edit]

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Sheldon Cooper. And this is "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College." Which is why I'm proposing that I live at home, but enroll full time to continue my studies with Dr. Sturgis at East Texas Tech.
Missy: What?!

A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You [4.07][edit]

Mary: Hello, Dr. Sturgis.
Dr. Sturgis: This is Mary Cooper. Did you know there's a, uh, supercollider being built, in Waxahachie, Texas?

An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles [4.08][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): To figure out which school of philosophy suited me best, I decided to sample each one.
Adult Sheldon (VO): Egoism is the belief that we should live only by bringing happiness to ourselves.
Adult Sheldon (VO): Transcendentalists were philosophers who believed that our deepest connection is with nature.

Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey [4.09][edit]

Sheldon: All my dinners are free. Is what they're asking really that bad?
Missy: Yes. I go to this university to study science, not to help collect money like an organ grinder's monkey.

Cowboy Aerobics and 473 Grease-Free Bolts [4.10][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): Behind every great scientist, there were often unsung helpers toiling away in the background. Presenting great lab assistants in scientific history. When Alexander Graham Bell needed an assistant, it was Thomas Augustus Watson who answered the call.

A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles [4.11][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): After a few short weeks as a full-time college student, I'm proud to say, the transition had gone quite nicely. My classes were going well, I knew my way around campus. And I had an active and vibrant social life.

A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science [4.12][edit]

Mary: Missy, 10 minutes.
Missy: Okay.

The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education [4.13][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): People often ask why I was so resistant to getting a driver's license. My spotty history with motor vehicles was certainly a factor.

Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency [4.14][edit]

George Cooper Sr.: It was complicated. I didn't like seeing him upset, but what can you do? I love consistency.
Sheldon: You know how they overcook it sometimes so it's a little bit dry?

A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities [4.15][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): As long as humans have been on Earth, they've had to contend with viruses. And as long as I've been on Earth, I've come up with fun ways to avoid them. I've heard so much about you. Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands. I wear personal protective equipment. You come here right this instant. And I was social distancing before it was cool. But in the early '90s, a new type of virus became prevalent, one that no amount of handwashing could stop.

A Second Prodigy and the Hottest Tips for Pouty Lips [4.16][edit]

Missy: What are you doing here?
Mary: I don't know.

A Black Hole [4.17][edit]

Mary Cooper: We need to pray right now.
Adult Sheldon (VO): We often regret the things we don't say. There's a lot of things I wish I had said to my dad while he was around. That I appreciated him, that I loved him. Which is why I'm grateful for the times I did tell him how I felt.

The Wild and Woolly World of Nonlinear Dynamics [4.18][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): Classical physics can predict a lot about the world. For example, it can tell us what happens when one pool ball knocks into another. But when multiple balls careen in different directions, we've entered the wild and woolly world of nonlinear dynamics. And you don't need me to tell you that it's impossible to predict what will happen next. Actually, based on the state of our educational system, you probably do. Now imagine those are people. Even a brilliant young ball who graduated high school at 11 can be caught in the maelstrom. Our first collision was set in motion when Pastor Jeff and Robin had their baby.

Season 5[edit]

One Bad Night and Chaos of Selfish Desires [5.01][edit]

Brenda: Hey, George.
George Cooper Sr.: Hey, Brenda.

Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism [5.02][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): Sundays were not my favorite day. In fact, the only light at the end of the tunnel was the wry musings of Andy Rooney at the end of 60 Minutes. Noise is sound you don't want to hear. And of course, one person's sound is another person's noise.

Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench [5.03][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): In physics, potential energy is a fascinating topic. Objects like springs store energy when they're coiled, waiting to unleash their full potential and soar to the heavens. Would you look at me go! Even in toy form, I'm shooting for the stars. While the potential energy of an object can be measured in absolutes, human potential remains more elusive. Sometimes, people seem to have all the potential in the world, but for some reason stay stuck to the ground.

Pish Posh and a Secret Back Room [5.04][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): I've always had a curious affinity for Laundromats. Perhaps it's the rows of mechanical devices dedicated to a cleaner world. Or maybe it's the hypnotic rotation of spinning clothes on their sudsy journey to a fluffy, stain-free future.

Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy [5.05][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): In astronomy, a syzygy is a rare event when three or more celestial bodies line up. You may also know it as the stars aligning, which was probably coined by someone who couldn't spell "syzygy." If you want to win Scrabble, remember this bad boy. My father's idea of the stars aligning was having the house completely to himself. I was at school, Missy was at a friend's, Georgie was working, and my mother was on her way to a church retreat.

Money Laundering and a Cascade of Hormones [5.06][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): When children reach adolescence, - a cascade of hormones are released - causing mood swings, impulsive behavior and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling.

An Introduction to Engineering and a Glob of Hair Gel [5.07][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): Engineering has a rich and storied history, dating back to ancient times. Some consider it the single most important field of study... Okay, w-wha no.
Sheldon: Son, I'll learn your name if you make it to midterms. Right now, you're just a number to me.

The Grand Chancellor and a Den of Sin [5.08][edit]

Mary: Sheldon, out.
Sheldon: You're just a cog in the machine.

The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian [5.09][edit]

Dale: Time! Cooper! Time! Cooper, what is the problem? The ball isn't going where it's supposed to.
Adult Sheldon (VO): Of all the tests one takes in school, my favorite was the midterm. Finals weren't bad, but they also meant summer was approaching. I don't believe in religion, but sunshine, picnics and pool parties are proof hell exists.

An Expensive Glitch and a Goof-Off Room [5.10][edit]

Sheldon: Well, technically, they were his subordinate officers, but Kirk did always deal with them in a friendly manner, so I take your point.
Mary: Good man.

A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit [5.11][edit]

Georgie: I'm Georgie.
Mandy: And I'm Mandy.
Georgie: That bitch.
Mandy: That sucks.

A Pink Cadillac and a Glorious Tribal Dance [5.12][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): There were certain status symbols in Texas that indicated you were a success. A rodeo champion belt buckle Or as I call it, the Redneck Nobel Prize. Custom-built ostrich skin boots. One less giant running bird in the world is fine by this cowpoke. And possibly the ultimate status symbol The pink Cadillac, driven by an elite Mary Kay super seller.
Mary: Mr. Lundy.
Mr. Lundy: Mary Cooper.

A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender [5.13][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): I was learning to enjoy the perks of university life, including a dorm to study and nap in. And since this was college, I was even allowed to have girls in my room.
Adult Sheldon (VO): I even had my own bathroom, which gave me the perfect place to store my impressive collection of sunscreens and bug repellents. However, one thing I would never get used to was college students' love of blasting rock and roll music.

A Free Scratcher and Feminine Wiles [5.14][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): Scientific rivalries are a fact of life. When two competing scientists work on a project, it can devolve into an intellectual boxing match. Over the years, there's been a few classic heavyweight bouts. Newton and Leibniz. Tesla and Edison. And in a lesser-known but equally brutal bout Linkletter versus Sturgis, The Tussle with No Muscle.

A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number [5.15][edit]

Georgie: I'm Georgie.
Mandy: And I'm Mandy.
George Cooper Sr.: I'm just dating this girl, and she's a little older than me.

A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car [5.16][edit]

Sheldon: I was right in the middle of rebuilding Medford's team, but now, I'm ready for a new challenge.
George Cooper Sr.: So unless sitting here becomes a job How about selling footballs? You mean, like, at your store?

A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth [5.17][edit]

Georgie: Can we talk?
Mandy: We'd better.
Georgie: What's goin' on?
Mandy: I'm pregnant.

Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli [5.18][edit]

Sheldon: Tell your parents? Do the right thing and marry her.
Mary: Whoa.

A God-Fearin' Baptist and a Hot Trophy Husband [5.19][edit]

Mary: Morning.
Sheldon: Good morning.

Uncle Sheldon and a Hormonal Firecracker [5.20][edit]

Mary: Can you take Missy to school today?
George Cooper Sr.: Is it really dangerous? Not with modern science, but back in pioneer times, we'd be burying her down by the crick.

White Trash, Holy Rollers and Punching People [5.21][edit]

Missy: She's talking about Georgie, not me.
Georgie: People talk about me behind my back, but it's about how smart I am. I'll say it to your face.

A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish and the Future [5.22][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): I've heard people say fathers are the real superheroes. My dad couldn't fly or bend steel, and you would not want to see him in Spandex. But like Superman, he had his Fortress of Solitude.

Season 6[edit]

Four Hundred Cartons of Undeclared Cigarettes and a Niblingo [6.01][edit]

Sheldon: Son of a bitch.
Georgie: I'm Georgie.
Mandy: And I'm Mandy.

Future Worf and the Margarita of the South Pacific [6.02][edit]

Sheldon: Actually.
Sheldon: Also, if you like green things, I recommend Green Arrow, and, of course, the Hulk. His skin is green.

Passion's Harvest and a Sheldocracy [6.03][edit]

Sheldon: Should robots have the same rights as humans?
Missy: That depends.

Blonde Ambition and the Concept of Zero [6.04][edit]

Meemaw: Here we go.
Adult Sheldon (VO): Since losing his job, one of the few upsides for my dad was having the house to himself to enjoy some peace and quiet.

A Resident Advisor and the Word 'Sketchy' [6.05][edit]

Sheldon: Hello, Mom.
Mary: Nothing. He wants to spend the night at the dorm so he can get to an early class.

An Ugly Car, an Affair and Some Kickass Football [6.06][edit]

Mary: Please don't make a big deal out of it.
Sheldon: What about the baby shower?!

A Tougher Nut and a Note on File [6.07][edit]

Sheldon: For example, I own every gauge of model train from the mighty "G," to the tiny "T."
Georgie: Mandy's pissed at me.

Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha [6.08][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): People say French is the language of love, but for me, nothing is sweeter than the exhilarating sounds of legalese.
George Cooper Sr.: Come on, I mean, you don't see the whole thing.

College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle [6.09][edit]

Investor: How soon do you think you could have a prototype?
Sheldon: Working around my class schedule and sensible bedtime, I'd say within a year.
Investor: If we fund this, we'd expect you to work on it full time. We don't want someone else beating us to the punch.
Dr. Sturgis: I suppose I could take a sabbatical from teaching. But my bedtime is also quite rigid.

Pancake Sunday and Textbook Flirting [6.10][edit]

Mary: Since when is it Pancake Sunday?
Sheldon: Since today.
Mary: No, it's not. It's Kellogg's Bran Buds Sunday, like it's been for the past 3 years.
Sheldon: Well, I thought it would be fun. I'll make you any kind of pancake you want.

Ruthless, Toothless, and a Week of Bed Rest [6.11][edit]

Sheldon: If we're all here, who's looking after the Laundromat and the video store and the, uh, other establishment?
Sheldon: I am.

A Baby Shower and a Testosterone-Rich Banter [6.12][edit]

Mary: I said now!
Sheldon: 'Cause your friends don't know about this?

A Frat Party, a Sleepover and the Mother of All Blisters [6.13][edit]

George Cooper Sr.: Do you play D&D?
Sheldon: No. I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends.

A Launch Party and a Whole Human Being [6.14][edit]

Mary: All right. Let's do this.
George Cooper Sr.: Sheldon, go!

Teen Angst and a Smart-Boy Walk of Shame [6.15][edit]

Mary: You got the baby to settle down. Easy-peasy.
Meemaw: Take it down a notch, nana.
Mary: I will try, but I don't know if I can.
Meemaw: Georgie on the couch.

A Stolen Truck and Going on the Lam [6.16][edit]

Customer: $10.00 on pump 2.
Cashier: You got it.
Adult Sheldon (VO): This marked the beginning of what our family would come to call "Missy's difficult period." Despite my repeated assurances that I could solve the problem with a brain scan and some low-voltage electric shocks, I was never given the opportunity. Such a shame.

A German Folk Song and an Actual Adult [6.17][edit]

Mary: Good morning, CeeCee.
Sheldon: Don't worry about it.

Little Green Men and a Fella's Marriage Proposal [6.18][edit]

Kirk: (over TV) They'll want to do the same. Only the next attack they launch will do a lot more than just count up numbers on a computer.
Georgie: What?!

A New Weather Girl and a Stay-at-Home Coddler [6.19][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): I never cared for The Game of Life. Marriage, children, careers, houses. What kind of life is that? In my game, the milestones are papers published, degrees earned, Nobel Prizes won. And in my version, I am dominating. But you knew that. Ooh, and instead of cars, - you'd ride around in a train.

German for Beginners and a Crazy Old Man with a Bat [6.20][edit]

Georgie: If we put in one of them things that spins the hot dogs around, we would make a fortune.
Dale: Well it's a lucky break that when it happened, nobody was here.
Dale: Wait a minute. Aren't you gonna file a report or dust for fingerprints?

A Romantic Getaway and a Germanic Meat-Based Diet [6.21][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): It may have been midnight in Medford, but it was morning in Heidelberg. The perfect time to enjoy a hearty breakfast of leberwurst on pumpernickel.
Adult Sheldon (VO): I'll save you from googling.
Adult Sheldon (VO): I was presented with a moral dilemma.

A Tornado, a 10-Hour Flight and a Darn Fine Ring [6.22][edit]

Announcer: The National Weather Service has issued a tornado warning for the following counties: Polk, Trinity, Angelina, Nacogdoches.

Season 7[edit]

A Wiener Schnitzel and Underwear in a Tree [7.01][edit]

Mary: We have to go home. There was a tornado, and Meemaw's house was destroyed!
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: You are going home!
Sheldon: The people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

A Roulette Wheel and a Piano Playing Dog [7.02][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): Heidelberg is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Heidelberg Palace, the Karl Theodor Bridge, the Schloss Schwetzingen. But I couldn't care less. The only sights I wanted to see were the looks of awe on the faces of my fellow students as I demonstrated my intellectual superiority. Cylinders that are smaller than ten to the minus-35 meters.

A Strudel and a Hot American Boy Toy [7.03][edit]

Mary: Absolutely not.
George Cooper Sr.: Dear Mary, hope you and Sheldon are having a great time in Germany.

Ants on a Log and a Cheating Winker [7.04][edit]

Sheldon: Oh, there is. But if a summer in Germany has taught me anything, it's that brutal honesty is its own kind of love.
(baby crying)
Mary: Oh, babies.

A Frankenstein's Monster and a Crazy Church Guy [7.05][edit]

Meemaw: Is that why he huffed and puffed and blew my house down?
Clark: Here's your change.
George Cooper Sr.: Thank you.
Mary: Lord, I know everyone thinks I'm being foolish giving money to Reverend Travis, but why wouldn't you want us to be prosperous?

Baptists, Catholics and an Attempted Drowning [7.06][edit]

Mandy: Yeah, come on in.
Sheldon: Mm, I thought you were in school.

A Proper Wedding and Skeletons in the Closet [7.07][edit]

Jeff: Amen.
Georgie: Hey, little girl.

An Ankle Monitor and a Big Plastic Crap House [7.08][edit]

Mandy: Oh my god.
Sheldon: 50 yards, go for it.

A Fancy Article and a Scholarship for a Baby [7.09][edit]

Mary: Oh, Shelly. You got a package from your little friend.
Mary: What is it?

Community Service and the Key to a Happy Marriage [7.10][edit]

Sheldon: It's paternity test day on Ricki Lake and I'm missing it.
Mary: Unbelievable!

A Little Snip and Teaching Old Dogs [7.11][edit]

Adult Sheldon (VO): I always believed my extraordinary life would be chronicled in numerous biographies. I even used to make up my own titles. My favorites were: From Texas to Success: the Sheldon Cooper Journey, and Cooper for Kids, a pre-school introduction to quantum gravity in superstrings. The point is, I knew my formative years would be well-documented, which meant I needed to polish up some of my early academic credentials, especially East Texas Tech.
Sheldon: (quietly) 54 days.

A New Home and a Traditional Texas Torture [7.12][edit]

Mary: What's going on?
Wayne: Mary, we got some bad news.
Mary: Where's George?
Tom: I'm so sorry. He... he had a heart attack.
Missy: [tearing up] But he's okay, right?
Tom: He's gone.

Funeral [7.13][edit]

George Cooper Sr.: See y'all later.
Mary: 4:00.
Mary: Sheldon, they're gonna close the casket, if you wanna say goodbye to your dad.
Sheldon: I’ve been thinking a lot about the last moments I had with my dad. It was morning, and he was leaving for work. He said, "See y’all later." And I said nothing. I regret that. I could have said "Bye" or asked him for a ride. Or told him that I loved him. But I didn’t. I barely noticed he left. So many times that I didn’t notice my father. I hope he knew how much I loved him.
Adult Sheldon: I wish I could tell you I said all those things. But I didn’t.

Memoir [7.14][edit]

Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you writing a memoir or a fantasy novel?
Adult Sheldon: For your information, memoir comes from memory, and these memories are mine.
Amy Farrah Fowler: And since when do you go out of your way to make other people happy?
Adult Sheldon: How about once a year on your birthday?
Mary: Why is it here?
Sheldon: Because it's a laptop, This is where my lap is.
[Final lines of the series, as Sheldon walks the Cal Tech campus]
Professor: You lost?
Sheldon: No. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Cast[edit]

Guest Stars[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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